**Q: What is green and homeomorphic to the open unit interval?**

The real lime.

**Q: What is yellow, linear, normed and complete?**

A Bananach space.

**Q: What do you call a young eigensheep?**

A lamb, duh!

*Math and Alcohol don’t mix, so… Please Don’t Drink and Derive!*

**Q: What is a proof?**

One-half percent of alcohol.

**Q: What’s the contour integral around Western Europe?**

Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!

Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they are removable!

**Q:What is a dilemma?**

A lemma that proves two results.

**Q: What’s a polar bear?**

A rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

**Q: What’s nonorientable and lives in the sea?**

Moebius Dick.

**Q: What does the little mermaid wear?**

An Algebra.

*In Alaska, where it gets very cold, pi is only 3.0. As you know, everything shrinks in the cold. They call it Eskimo pi.*

**Q: Why didn’t Newton discover group theory?**

Because he wasn’t Abel.

**Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?**

Pumpkin Pi!

**Alex:** What’s your favorite thing about mathematics?

**Jake:** Knot theory.

**Alex:** Yeah, me neither.

*Life is complex. It has real and imaginary components.*

**Q: Why did the mathematician name his dog Cauchy?**

Because he left a residue at every pole.

**Q: What do you get if you cross oatmeal with a duck?**

|oatmeal|*|duck|*sin(theta)

**Q: What is a topologist?**

Someone who cannot distinguish between a donut and a coffee cup.

**Q: What is a compact city?**

It’s a city that can be guarded by finitely many nearsighted policemen.

**Q: Why can’t you grow wheat in Z/6Z?**

It’s not a field.

**Q: What’s grey, huge and has integer coefficients?**

An elephantine equation.

**Q: What is used by Canadians (and people from Wisconsin) to help solve certain differential equations?**

The Lacross transform.

**Q: What is clear and used by trendy sophisticated engineers to solve other differential equations?**

The Perrier transform.

**Q: What is very old, used by farmers, and obeys the fundamental theorem of arthimetic?**

An antique tractorization domain.

**Q: Why couldn’t the moebius strip enroll at the school?**

They required an orientation.

**Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?**

To get to the other…

**Q: What did Zero say to Eight?**

Nice belt.

**Q: Did you hear the one about the statistician?**

Probably…

**Q: Why do mathematicians, after a dinner at the Mandarin, insist on taking the leftovers home?**

Because they know the Chinese remainder theorem!

Did you know that…

a pizza with the radius “z” and thickness “a” has volume pi*z*z*a

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that was wonderful and hilarious who ever came up with this should ben a compedian

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