Math Sex Jokes

Are you 2x? Because I want to integrate you from 10 to 13!

I derived your mom last night.
It was f prime.

How is sex like math?
1. Half the time I get an odd result.
2. If my hands aren’t enough, I end up using my head.
3. I always wonder how the person next to me is doing on his work.
4. My average at each is pretty dismal.

What is 69 and 69?
Dinner for four..

What is 6.9?
Good sex interrupted by a period.

Q: If you go to bed 8 hours before you have to wake up, and your wife wants to have 2 hours of sex, how much sleep will you get?
A: 7 hours, 57 minutes – who cares what she wants!

At this moment 5 million are having sex, 2 million are in gun fights,
91 million at a party, and one sad loser is reading this joke

A graduate student of mathematics who used to come to the
university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle.
“Where did you get the bike from?” his friends want to know.”It’s a
`thank you’ present”, he explains, “from that freshman girl I’ve been
tutoring. But the story is kind of weird…” “Tell us!” “Well”, he
starts, “yesterday she called me on the phone and told me that she
had passed her math final and that she wanted to drop by to thank me in
person. As usual, she arrived at my place riding her bicycle. But when
I had
let her in, she suddenly took all her clothes off, lay down on my bed,
smiled at me, and said: `You can get from me whatever you desire!'”

One of his friends remarks: “You made a really smart choice when you took the bicycle.”

“Yeah”, another friend adds, “just imagine how silly you would
have looked in girls clothes – and they wouldn’t have fit you anyway!”

Q: How are math and sex the same?
A: I don’t get either one.

A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in a psychological test.
They sat on one side of a room and waited not knowing what to expect. A door
opened on the other side and a naked woman came in the room and stood on the
far side. They were then instructed that every time they heard a beep they
could move half the remaining distance to the woman. They heard a beep and
the engineer jumped up and moved halfway across the room while the
mathematician continued to sit, looking disgusted and bored. When the
mathematician didn’t move after the second beep he was asked why. “Because I
know I will never reach the woman.” The engineer was asked why he chose to
move and replied, “Because I know that very soon I will be close enough for
all practical purposes!”

A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better:
a wife or a girlfriend. The physicist: “A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment.”
The mathematician: “A wife. You have security.”
The computer scientist: “Both. When I’m not with my wife, she thinks I’m with
my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it’s vice versa. And I can be with my
computer without anyone disturbing me…”

Why does 1+1=1?
1 male + 1 female = 1 baby

Q: If you have two friends and six women, how many women do each of your friends get?
A: None.

Q. How do you teach a blond math?
A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.

Before I root you, are you over 18?

“What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?”
“She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me.”
“I don’t believe that she cheated on you!”
“Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that
she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns…”

Sex is like math:
Add the bed,
Subtract the clothes,
Divide the legs,
and pray to God you don’t Multiply!

** Note: Some posts on Math-Fail are user-submitted and NOT verified by the admin of the site before publication. If you find this post to be distasteful, non-math related, ?or something worse?, then definitely leave a comment letting me know. Thanks very much! Mike **

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (3.67 from 36 votes)


  1. Wow, your jokes are like my girlfriend: they both suck.

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  2. Thanks for the comment!!
    I stole a lot of the jokes that are in the public domain, and made up a few of them myself :D. The ones that suck the least would be the ones that I made up ๐Ÿ˜‰

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  3. HA!, silly mathematicians.

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  4. I always heard it…
    B4i4Q RU/18 QT pi

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  5. i luv these jokes one day ,i’m gonna tell these to my children by doing it myself

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  6. Consciousness: that irritating bout between naps. ~Author Unknown

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  7. ikenna madukwe

    i like the joke anyway

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  8. ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜Ž ๐Ÿ˜Ž ๐Ÿ˜› ๐Ÿ˜› ๐Ÿ˜› ๐Ÿ˜›

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  9. ๐Ÿ˜ฅ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜• ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™

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  10. I don’t understand what square root her means *facepalm*

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  11. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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  12. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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  13. โ“ ๐Ÿ˜› ๐Ÿ™ ๐Ÿ‘ฟ โ— ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ˜ณ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜ฎ ๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜• ๐Ÿ˜Ž ๐Ÿ˜† ๐Ÿ˜ก ๐Ÿ˜ˆ :roll: ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ’ก โžก ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜ฅ :mrgreen: yerr

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  14. Hilarious!

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  15. What do sex and multi-variable calculus have in common?
    Answer 1: Although I enjoy both, I usually end up doing it in my head while alone in my room.
    Answer 2: Fucking nothing. I’m good at calculus.

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  16. ๆˆ‘่ฝ่ชช้Žๅพˆๅคšๆฌก๏ผŒๅœจ่จฑๅคšๅœฐๆ–น๏ผŒไฝ ไธๆ‡‰่ฉฒ็”Ÿๆดปๅ’Œๆญป็ฐกๅ–ฎ็š„่ฆๆจก๏ผŒ็›ธๅ๏ผŒไฝ ๆ‡‰่ฉฒไธŠ็นช่ฃฝๆ‚จๆฏๅคฉ็š„้ซ”้‡ๅนณๅ‡ๆ›ฒ็ทšๅนณๆป‘็š„ๆ—ฅๅธธๆณขๅ‹•้‡้‡ใ€‚

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