Sex Math Jokes

When Noah’s ark had finally come to a rest on top of mount Ararat,
and when the waters had receded, Noah and his family – along with all
the animals – left the ark, and God told them to be fruitful and
multiply upon the earth.

But after all those months under deck on an overcrowded ark, none of
the animals was in the mood for sex anymore. Noah, who knew all too
well what God could do in his wrath if his creatures were disobedient,
got desperate.
So, he tore down one of the ark’s masts, cut it into pieces, and
built a table out of the logs. Then he told one of the snakes to
perform a lascivious dance on top of the table and made all the other
animals gather around it. After a while the snake’s seductive moves
showed an effect: One animal after the other started rocking in the
rhythm of the snake’s dance, and one after the other sneaked off with
its mate to more private places… Finally, the dancing snake and her
mate were all alone, and they too disappeared.

And Noah was pleased that God’s will would be heeded.

Q: What does this story from the book of Genesis teach us about math?
A: When you have to multiply, all you need are a log table and an adder!

A mathematician gives a talk intended for a general audience. The
talk is announced in the local newspaper, but he expects few people to
show up because nobody who is not a mathematician will be able to make
any sense of the title: Convex sets and inequalities. To his surprise,
the auditorium is crammed when his talk begins. After he has finished,
someone in the audience raises his hand.

“But you said nothing about the actual topic of your talk!”

“What topic to you mean?”
“Well, the one that was announced in the paper: Convicts, sex, and inequality.

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:
“Dear Wife:
You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs
which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you
as wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn
that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel
with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I’ll be home before midnight.–
Your Husband”

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

“Dear Husband:
You, too, are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I
will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being
the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the
fact that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18. Don’t
wait up.”

Want to read more? See our previous post for even more math sex jokes.

** Note: Some posts on Math-Fail are user-submitted and NOT verified by the admin of the site before publication. If you find this post to be distasteful, non-math related, ?or something worse?, then definitely leave a comment letting me know. Thanks very much! Mike **

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