Your Momma is so… (Math Version)

A collection of “yo mama / your momma / your mom / your mama” (or whatever you want to call them) jokes – math style:

Your Momma is so dumb that she can’t even solve a second-order non-homogeneous differential equation!

Your Momma is like a protractor…..good at every angle.

Your Momma prefers 77 to 69 because she gets 8 more

Your Momma is so stupid she thought that e^(pi*i) was equal to -2.

Your Momma is so dumb, she thinks cosine is something you do on a loan.

Your Momma is so dumb she tried to use the Pythagorean theorem to solve an obtuse triangle.

Your Momma thinks square roots are vegetables.

Your Momma’s muscle to fat ratio can only be explained in irrational complex numbers.

The shortest distance between your momma and any given person is 50 cents.

The integral of your momma is fat plus a constant, where the constant is equal to more fat.

Your Momma is so fat, objects fall towards her at a rate of 9.8m/s^2.

Your Momma is so stupid she tried to find the total area of the graph under the function F(x)=sin x over the interval -1.

There is no finite sub cover which contains your momma, hence your momma is not compact.

Your Momma is slightly less attractive than the average woman in her age bracket!

Your Momma’s so fat she has a proper subgroup isomorphic to herself.

Your Momma’s easier than finding a trivial solution.

Your Momma has 11 fingers and 15 toes and STILL cannot count to 26!

Your Momma so fat, it takes her an hour to watch 60 minutes!

Suppose your momma is skinny, then there exists a domain her ass fits in. Contradiction, hence she has a huge ass.

I saw your momma on channel 7, and when I changed to channel 25 you could still see her ass sticking out.

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How mathematicians do it…

Aerodynamicists do it in drag.

Algebraists do it by symbolic manipulation.

Algebraists do it in a ring, in fields, in groups.

Analysts do it continuously and smoothly.

Applied mathematicians do it by computer simulation.
Banach spacers do it completely.

Bayesians do it with improper priors.

Catastrophe theorists do it falling off part of a sheet.

Combinatorists do it as many ways as they can.

Complex analysts do it between the sheets

Computer scientists do it depth-first.

Cosmologists do it in the first three minutes.

Decision theorists do it optimally.

Functional analysts do it with compact support.

Galois theorists do it in a field.

Game theorists do it by dominance or saddle points.

Geometers do it with involutions.

Geometers do it symmetrically.

Graph theorists do it in four colors.

Hilbert spacers do it orthogonally.

Large cardinals do it inaccessibly.

Linear programmers do it with nearest neighbors.

Logicians do it by choice, consistently and completely.

Logicians do it incompletely or inconsistently.

(Logicians do it) or [not (logicians do it)].

Number theorists do it perfectly and rationally.

Mathematical physicists understand the theory of how to do it, but have difficulty obtaining practical results.

Pure mathematicians do it rigorously.

Quantum physicists can either know how fast they do it, or where they do it, but not both.

Real analysts do it almost everywhere

Ring theorists do it non-commutatively.

Set theorists do it with cardinals.

Statisticians probably do it.

Topologists do it openly, in multiply connected domains

Variationists do it locally and globally.

Cantor did it diagonally.

Fermat tried to do it in the margin, but couldn’t fit it in.

Galois did it the night before.

Mðbius always does it on the same side.

Markov does it in chains.

Newton did it standing on the shoulders of giants.

Turing did it but couldn’t decide if he’d finished.

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Funny Testing Fail Pictures

Expand: (a+b)^n
expand (a+b)^n



Hmm…
messy math


Study = Fail!
study equals fail



Sex = Fun.
sex is fun math



Computing Limits:
limit fail
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Cool Math Games

The net has a great amount of interactive cool maths games. Below are a few sites worth taking a look at. Most of the math games are fun for all ages and they are all absolutely free.

1. http://www.mathplayground.com/games.html

2. http://www.coolmath-games.com/

3. http://resources.kaboose.com/games/math2.html

4. http://www.primarygames.com/math.htm

5. http://cemc2.math.uwaterloo.ca/mathfrog/

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Sex Math Joke: A Complete Fail

There is a “sex math” trick that floated around the internet back in the day… it can be found at these places:

http://www.allfunnypictures.com/pages/sexmath.html
http://somethinbeautiful.blogspot.com/2008/11/amazing-sex-mathematics.html
http://www.funnyjunk.com/pages/sex_mathematics.htm

The only problem is this trick ONLY works if the year is 2003. Basically, the trick goes like this:


First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have sex ………
(try for more than once but less than 10)

Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be bold)

Add 5. (for Friday Night)

Multiply it by 50 (being a bit stupid)

I’ll wait while you get the calculator…………….

If you have already had your birthday this year add 1753….

If you haven’t, add 1752 ……….

Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
(if you remember)

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number
(i.e., how many times you want to have sex each week).

The next two numbers are your age.

IMPRESSIVE ISN’T IT?


But this sex math trick is a complete FAIL, hardly impressive I would say. You pick a single digit number x.
2x
2x+5
100x+250
100x+2003 (or + 2002)
100x+2003 (or + 2002) – your birth year.

It’s
clear where the error is. If you do 2003 (or 2002 if you already had
your birthday) and subtract your birth year then you would get your age
in 2003. Thus, every year, the “add 1753” step needs to change to
adjust for which year it is. Obviously if you keep it at 1753 then the
trick won’t work in future years (like 2009).

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Spiked Math Comics – Mrs Brown’s Son

Today’s Spiked Math comic is about Brownian motion:

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Silly Math Fail Pics

Mental attractiveness vs physical attractiveness
Mental attractiveness vs physical attractiveness


Learn to draw a camel by beginning with a triangle
Learn to draw a camel by beginning with a triangle


Counting Fail – Five bananas… err…
Counting fail


All double priced items half off…
All double priced items half off


3 out of 2 people have trouble with fractions…
3 out of 2 people have trouble with fractions


Math Test Fail
Math Test Fail


Look at the speedometer… Math Test Fail
Look at the speedometer Math Test Fail


Math Test Fail – Complimentary Angles
Math Test Fail - Complimentary Angles


Pac-Man Fail
Pac-Man Fail


Ninja Turtle Math Test Fail
Ninja Turtle Math Test Fail


Weather on Tuesday Fail
Weather on Tuesday Fail

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Checkmate! Tough Dice Game

The impossible (yet so simple) dice game.

Play the game:


      
      
      
      

   
             
             
             
             

The number of moves until checkmate is:

Instructions:

  • Press the “Roll dice!” button to start.
  • Try and determine how many moves there are until checkmate.
  • Press the “Display Answer!” button to see if you are right.
  • Once you have figured it out, don’t spoil the fun for others!

Background:

This game is based on the “Petals Around the Rose” dice game. Both games are easy in the sense that once you know the “secret”, you can easily determine the answer in seconds. After hearing of this game, I was able to figure out the secret immediately. Just remember, as in “Petals Around the Rose”, the name of the game is important. Note however, you do not actually need to know anything about chess to figure out the secret.

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Spiked Math Comic – Fibonacci Served His Time

This new webcomic is called Spiked Math. It’s all about math too! Today’s comic is:



For those of you who miss the point, the above comic has to do with the Fibonacci sequence 😀

You can check out the ?funny? Spiked Math comics at SpikedMath.com.

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Petals Around the Rose – Dice Game

Play the game here:


      
      
      
      

   
             
             
             
             

The number petals around the rose is:

Instructions:

  • Press the “Roll dice!” button to start.
  • Try and determine how many petals are around the rose.
  • Press the “Display Answer!” button to see if you are right.
  • Once you have figured it out, don’t spoil the fun for others!


Good Luck!
(some of you will need it, lol)

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