Q: What is green and homeomorphic to the open unit interval?
The real lime.
Q: What is yellow, linear, normed and complete?
A Bananach space.
Q: What do you call a young eigensheep?
A lamb, duh!
Math and Alcohol don’t mix, so… Please Don’t Drink and Derive!
Q: What is a proof?
One-half percent of alcohol.
Q: What’s the contour integral around Western Europe?
Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!
Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they are removable!
Q:What is a dilemma?
A lemma that proves two results.
Q: What’s a polar bear?
A rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.
Q: What’s nonorientable and lives in the sea?
Q: What does the little mermaid wear?
In Alaska, where it gets very cold, pi is only 3.0. As you know, everything shrinks in the cold. They call it Eskimo pi.
Q: Why didn’t Newton discover group theory?
Because he wasn’t Abel.
Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Alex: What’s your favorite thing about mathematics?
Jake: Knot theory.
Alex: Yeah, me neither.
Life is complex. It has real and imaginary components.
Q: Why did the mathematician name his dog Cauchy?
Because he left a residue at every pole.
Q: What do you get if you cross oatmeal with a duck?
Q: What is a topologist?
Someone who cannot distinguish between a donut and a coffee cup.
Q: What is a compact city?
It’s a city that can be guarded by finitely many nearsighted policemen.
Q: Why can’t you grow wheat in Z/6Z?
It’s not a field.
Q: What’s grey, huge and has integer coefficients?
An elephantine equation.
Q: What is used by Canadians (and people from Wisconsin) to help solve certain differential equations?
The Lacross transform.
Q: What is clear and used by trendy sophisticated engineers to solve other differential equations?
The Perrier transform.
Q: What is very old, used by farmers, and obeys the fundamental theorem of arthimetic?
An antique tractorization domain.
Q: Why couldn’t the moebius strip enroll at the school?
They required an orientation.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
To get to the other…
Q: What did Zero say to Eight?
Q: Did you hear the one about the statistician?
Q: Why do mathematicians, after a dinner at the Mandarin, insist on taking the leftovers home?
Because they know the Chinese remainder theorem!