Why hasn’t there ever been a gay mathematician?

This question was asked on yahoo questions. Most of the answers were refuting the claim but one answer given was: They are discrete. (lol)

In actuality, there are lots. The most famous being Alan Turing, but others include Ronald Brown.

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Hilarious Math Pick-up Lines

I wish you were my calculator so i could plug my natural log into you.

I wish I was sin^2(x) and you were cos^2(x), so together we could be 1.

I wish our dot product were 0 so my vector could be normal to your unit circle.

I want to be a derivative so i can be tangent to your curves.

Why don’t you be the numerator and I be the denominator and both of us reduce to simplest form?

How can I know so many hundreds of digits of pi and not the digits of your phone number?

Ever wonder what L’Hopital’s rule has to say about limits in the form of me over you?

Baby, can I be your integral, so I can be the area underneath your curves.

Can I plug my solution into your equation?

The volume of a generalized cylinder has been known for thousands of
years, but you won’t know the volume of mine until tonight.

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Funny Math Limericks

There once was a number named pi
Who frequently liked to get high.
All he did every day
Was sit in his room and play
With his imaginary friend named i.

There once was a number named e
Who took way too much LSD.
She thought she was great.
But that fact we must debate;
We know she wasn’t greater than 3.

A mathematician confided
That the M”obius band is one-sided
And you’ll get quite a laugh
If you cut one in half
‘Cause it stays in one piece when divided.

A mathematician named Klein
Thought the M”obius band was divine
Said he: If you glue
The edges of two
You’ll get a weird bottles like mine.

There was a young fellow named Fisk,
A swordsman, exceedingly brisk.
So fast was his action,
The Lorentz contraction
Reduced his rapier to a disk.

‘Tis a favorite project of mine
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3
For it’s simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9

Pi goes on and on and on …
And e is just as cursed.
I wonder: Which is larger
When their digits are reversed?

If (1+x) (real close to 1)
Is raised to the power of 1
Over x, you will find
Here’s the value defined:

Integral z-squared dz
from 1 to the cube root of 3
times the cosine
of three pi over 9
equals log of the cube root of ‘e’.

A burleycque dancer, a pip
Named Virginia, could peel in a zip;
But she read science fiction
and died of constriction
Attempting a Moebius strip.

A conjecture both deep and profound
Is whether the circle is round;
In a paper by Erdo”s,
written in Kurdish,
A counterexample is found.

There once was a log named Lynn
Whose life was devoted to sin.
She came from a tree
Whose base was shaped like an e.
She’s the most natural log I’ve seen.

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Prime number trick (with solution)

Using prime numbers, you can amaze your friends with a prime prediction…

1. Ask your friends to pick any prime number greater than 3.
2. Square it.
3. Add 14.
4. Divide by 12.

Without knowing which prime number your friends picked, you can still tell them:
    There will be a remainder of 3.
But HOW does it work?
Let’s do an example:
13 is a prime number, squaring it gives 169, adding 14 gives 183 which has a remainder of 3 upon division by 12.

This works for every prime number greater than 3, but how exactly does it work?

The mathematics behind this is rather simple.
1. Let p be a prime number, p > 3.
2. Squaring gives:
3. Adding 14 gives:
    p^2 + 14
4. Taking it modulo 12 gives:
    (p^2 + 14) mod 12

We want to show that:
    (p^2 + 14) mod 12 = 3
This is equivalent to:
    p^2 – 1 is divisible by 12.
That is:
    (p-1)(p+1) is divisible by 12.

For a number to be divisible by twelve, it has to be divisible both by 3 and by 4. We know that, out of p-1, p and p+1, one of them must be
divisible by 3; and it can’t be p, because p is prime and greater than 3. Thus, either p-1 or p+1 is divisible by 3, and so their product is also:
    (p-1)(p+1) is divisible by 3.

Now, since p is a prime greater than 3, we know that it is odd. Therefore, both p-1 and p+1 are even numbers. The product of two even numbers is divisible by 4, so:
    (p-1)(p+1) is divisible by 4.

Combining this with the above, we get that:
    (p-1)(p+1) is divisible by 12.
And hence:
    (p^2 + 14) mod 12 = 3

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Math Sex Jokes

Are you 2x? Because I want to integrate you from 10 to 13!

I derived your mom last night.
It was f prime.

How is sex like math?
1. Half the time I get an odd result.
2. If my hands aren’t enough, I end up using my head.
3. I always wonder how the person next to me is doing on his work.
4. My average at each is pretty dismal.

What is 69 and 69?
Dinner for four..

What is 6.9?
Good sex interrupted by a period.

Q: If you go to bed 8 hours before you have to wake up, and your wife wants to have 2 hours of sex, how much sleep will you get?
A: 7 hours, 57 minutes – who cares what she wants!

At this moment 5 million are having sex, 2 million are in gun fights,
91 million at a party, and one sad loser is reading this joke

A graduate student of mathematics who used to come to the
university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle.
“Where did you get the bike from?” his friends want to know.”It’s a
`thank you’ present”, he explains, “from that freshman girl I’ve been
tutoring. But the story is kind of weird…” “Tell us!” “Well”, he
starts, “yesterday she called me on the phone and told me that she
had passed her math final and that she wanted to drop by to thank me in
person. As usual, she arrived at my place riding her bicycle. But when
I had
let her in, she suddenly took all her clothes off, lay down on my bed,
smiled at me, and said: `You can get from me whatever you desire!'”

One of his friends remarks: “You made a really smart choice when you took the bicycle.”

“Yeah”, another friend adds, “just imagine how silly you would
have looked in girls clothes – and they wouldn’t have fit you anyway!”

Q: How are math and sex the same?
A: I don’t get either one.

A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in a psychological test.
They sat on one side of a room and waited not knowing what to expect. A door
opened on the other side and a naked woman came in the room and stood on the
far side. They were then instructed that every time they heard a beep they
could move half the remaining distance to the woman. They heard a beep and
the engineer jumped up and moved halfway across the room while the
mathematician continued to sit, looking disgusted and bored. When the
mathematician didn’t move after the second beep he was asked why. “Because I
know I will never reach the woman.” The engineer was asked why he chose to
move and replied, “Because I know that very soon I will be close enough for
all practical purposes!”

A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better:
a wife or a girlfriend. The physicist: “A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment.”
The mathematician: “A wife. You have security.”
The computer scientist: “Both. When I’m not with my wife, she thinks I’m with
my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it’s vice versa. And I can be with my
computer without anyone disturbing me…”

Why does 1+1=1?
1 male + 1 female = 1 baby

Q: If you have two friends and six women, how many women do each of your friends get?
A: None.

Q. How do you teach a blond math?
A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.

Before I root you, are you over 18?

“What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?”
“She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me.”
“I don’t believe that she cheated on you!”
“Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that
she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns…”

Sex is like math:
Add the bed,
Subtract the clothes,
Divide the legs,
and pray to God you don’t Multiply!

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