Christmas Math

Twas The Night Before Mathmas (text)

Text for the poem “Twas The Night Before Mathmas” (via Spiked Math)

Twas the night before Mathmas, when all through the school,
Not a student was studying, not even a fool.
The stockings were hung by the blackboard with care,
In hopes that St Matholas soon would be there.

The freshmen were nestled all snug in their seats,
While questions with functions appeared on their sheets.
And Professor in his tie, and I in my vest,
Had just settled our brains for a long calculus test.
When outside the window there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter.
Professor looked up and said “sit back down!”,
I did what he said, but did it with a frown.

I looked at my test and saw f(x),
I then got distracted, and started thinking of sex.
Then outside the window a figure appeared,
It was St Matholas with a scruffy white beard.

I pointed and shouted and said “EVERYONE LOOK!”,
The Professor sighed and wrote in his book.
I think he wrote FAIL right under my name,
However there is no way I can verify this claim.

How come no one else can see St Matholas,
Is it because they have too much stress?
I tried to ignore him and focus on my test,
But this made St Matholas beat on his chest.

Then St Matholas entered the school,
And in one hand he carried his trusty slide rule.
No one but me noticed him come in,
I thought for sure that I must be dreamin’.

I saw in his other hand was a bottle of Coke,
And then he walked up to me and he spoke.
He said, “I am x squared plus one equals zero“,
And I thought for sure this guy’s my hero!

He talked about formulas and helped me derive,
We did x cubed plus seven to the power of five.
He said, use the chain rule and power rule too,
I quickly wrote this down without having a clue.

I finished my test in record time too,
And started contemplating going to Waterloo.
I thanked St Matholas for his help on my test,
And he said “No problem!” and that I was blessed.

He walked up to the blackboard and looked at the stockings,
And filled each one with Groups, Fields and some Rings.
He then disappeared right out of my sight,
Much faster than downloading a single kilobyte.

I handed my test to the old mean professor,
And he winked at me and told me I would have to defer.
I realized I’ll never use calculus in my life,
And went home and spent Mathmas with my super hot wife.

“Happy Mathmas to all, and to all a good night!”

Math Christmas Links

Looking for some Christmas math humor?

Here are some of the best links I have collected (along with excerpts):


ho cubed t-shirt

The Mathematics of Christmas (via Devlin’s Angle):

“To keep the math simple, let’s
assume that these 108 million stops are
evenly distributed around the earth. That
means Santa is faced with a mean distance
between households of around 0.75 miles, and
the total distance Santa must travel is just over
75 million miles. Hence Santa’s sleigh must be
moving at 650 miles per second — 3,000 times the
speed of sound. A typical reindeer can run at
most 15 miles per hour. That’s quite a feat
Santa performs each year.”

How the Grinch Stole Statistics (via mathNEWS)

“Every H0 down in Math-ville liked Mathmas a lot
But the Grinch, who lived (x-100,y+20,z+1300) from Math-ville, did not!
The Grinch hated Mathmas! The whole Mathmas season!”

The 12 Days of Finals (via mathNEWS)

“On the nth, n ε Z, n ε [1,…,12] day of finals, my TA gave to me…
n = 1: a bell curve to make sure I pass!
n = 2: two painful proofs
…”

Your guide to finding the perfect gift for that “friend” (via mathNEWS)

Operations Research: Really, what are they
researching? Certainly not good Christmas gift ideas, like me! What you
really want to get them is a spy kit! Something like… Magnifying
glasses and a detective hat, to help them research with more awesome
attire!”

Another Mathie Christmas Carol (via mathNEWS)

“What Function’s This?

(To the tune of “What Child Is This?”)

What function’s this? When added to
c times its derivative gives me
An f(t), oh how can we
Solve this first order DE?”

Squeeze – Merry Mathmas (via mathNEWS)

“Once upon a time there was a theorem known as Squeeze’s Theorem. This
theorem wasn’t particularly nice at all. In fact, he would pinch functions
and force them to converge. He never celebrated Mathmas. However, all of
that was going to change on this: Mathmas Eve.”

Christmas Math Jokes (via MathFail)

“Q: Why do mathematicians often confuse Christmas and Halloween?
A: Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.

Q: What’s purple, round, and doesn’t get much for Christmas?
A finitely presented grape.”

A Calculus Carol (via MathFail)

"Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
How tough are both your branches.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
To pass what are my chances?
Derivatives I cannot take,
At integrals my fingers shake.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
How tough are both your branches."

My 4-regular Christmas Tree (via Brown Sharpie)



Snow Day (via Brown Sharpie)

Happy Holidays, fellow grad students (via Brown Sharpie)
 

Snow Angles (via Brown Sharpie)



There are lots of rings I like (via Brown Sharpie)
 

Happy Holidays! (via Brown Sharpie)

Gentlemen, I accept! (via Brown Sharpie)

Holiday Tradition (via Abstruse Goose; click for full comic)


abstruse goose holiday tradition

AP Calculus Christmas Carols

Riemann Sums
(sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)

Riemann Sums, Riemann Sums
Counting Areas
Of rectangles whose widths get small
We need to count them all
Riemann Sums, Riemann Sums
Counting Areas
Of rectangles whose widths get small
We need to count them all.”

AP Calculus Christmas Carols (via Youtube)

“I recorded this during my AP Calculus Class right before the
holiday seasons. And when I say we are Math geeks this will prove it to
you!!! Muhahahaha!!!”


A Christmas Proof
  (via (x,why?) webcomic)

“I wrote this proof on the blackboard my first year teaching in an 8th grade honors math class in the last five minutes of class on the day before Christmas break.
Strangely, now that I teach in high school, I haven’t been able to use it as I’m never at the right point in the curriculum for them to follow the “logic”.”

Christmas Treats (via (x,why?) webcomic)

“Christmas is about more than the giving and receiving.

It’s also about the baking and the eating.”

Christmas Math Jokes


merry christmas and happy new year from mathfail.com

Q: Why do mathematicians often confuse Christmas and Halloween?
A: Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.

Q: What’s purple, round, and doesn’t get much for Christmas?
A finitely presented grape.

In a previous post I had a Calculus Christmas Carol, this is the first verse (sung to the tune of “Oh, Christmas Tree”):

Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
How tough are both your branches.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
To pass what are my chances?
Derivatives I cannot take,
At integrals my fingers shake.
Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus,
How tough are both your branches.

Surely someone out there knows some funny Christmas Math Jokes!!
I’ll try to make some up myself, and will let you know with what I can come up with. In the mean time, here are:

Some Christmas Riddles – that are non mathy 🙁

Q: What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month?
A: The letter “D”.

Q: What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
A: Lost.

Q: Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer
and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just
before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor.
Which one picked it up?
A: Santa of course, because the other two don’t exist!

Q: What happened when Santa’s cat swallowed a ball of yarn?
A: She had mittens.