# Math Jokes

## Crazy math joke – lesson for all you undergrads

Let this be a lesson to all the undergrads who think they should get part marks for having a correct answer: In a mental hospital, three patients are up for release. The Doctor decides to give them a test. He turns to the first guy and asks, “What is three times three?” “274,” the guy …

## Jokes: Top 10 excuses for not doing your homework!

10. It’s Fermat’s birthday 9. I didn’t know whether “i” is the square root of -1 or “i” is the square root of -1. 8. I accidentally divided by 0 and my paper burst into flames. 7. I had too much pie and got sick. 6. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. …

## How to prove it

Proof by vigorous handwaving:     Works well in a classroom or seminar setting. Proof by forward reference:     Reference is usually to a forthcoming paper of the author, which is often not as forthcoming as at first. Proof by funding:     How could three different government agencies be wrong? Proof by example:     The author …

## Math Songs – A Calculus Carol

Written by: Denis Gannon (to the tune of “Oh, Christmas Tree”) Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, How tough are both your branches. Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, To pass what are my chances? Derivatives I cannot take, At integrals my fingers shake. Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, How tough are both your branches. Oh, Calculus; Oh, Calculus, Your …

## Hilarious Math Jokes

Q: What’s nutritious and commutes?An Abelian soup. Q: What’s hot, chunky, and acts on a polygon?Dihedral soup. Q: What’s sour, yellow, and equivalent to the axiom of choice?Zorn’s lemon. Q: What is brown, furry, runs to the sea, and is equivalent to the axiom of choice?Zorn’s lemming.Q: What do you get if you cross a …

## Funny Joke – The Integration of Pretty Little Polly Nomial

Once upon a time, (1/T) pretty little Polly Nomial was strolling through a field of vectors when she came to the edge of a singularly large matrix. Now Polly was convergent and her mother had made it an absolute condition that she never enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however, who had …

## Dictionary of Definitions of Terms Used in Math Lectures

CLEARLY:    I don’t want to write down all the “in-between” steps.TRIVIAL:    If I have to show you how to do this, you’re in the wrong class.OBVIOUSLY:    I hope you weren’t sleeping when we discussed this earlier because I refuse to repeat it.RECALL:    I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but for those of you who …

## Math Grape Jokes

Q: What’s purple and commutes?An Abelian grape. Q: What is purple and all of its offspring have been committed to institutions?A simple grape, it has no normal subgraphs. Q: What is lavender and commutes?An Abelian semigrape.Q: What’s purple, commutes, and is worshipped by a limited number of people?A finitely-venerated Abelian grape. Q: What’s purple, round, …

## Top ln(e^10) reasons why e is better than pi

10) e is easier to spell than pi. 9) Pie without e just doesn’t taste that good. 8) The character for e can be found on a keyboard, but pi sure can’t. 7) Everybody fights for their piece of the pie. 6) ln(pi) is a really nasty number, but ln(e) = 1. 5) e is …

## Why is a set always excited?

It can’t contain itself.